{ feeling : sickish
{ hearing : random commercials on wgn

So I saw an old face on the bus today. Made me feel weird in the way wandering Facebook profiles. Basically, since I went to the grandiose Northside College Prep, every single one of my many acquaintances are doing about … A million times better than I am life-wise. It just sort of makes me feel like … Eep.

The thing is about going to Northside is that I still sort of wonder how I ended up going there. During elementary school, I never once got straight A’s … Come to think of it, I don’t think I ever got anywhere near that at Northside. Even further, I didn’t want to attain perfection in any classes I went through.

I was pretty content with just passing the lot of classes I had.

Every single time I would hear the gripes of not getting at least a 4.5GPA or later, at least a 32 on the ACT, I’d just sort of be like I am now. Y’know … Eep.

But it’s also weird because during times like these, I randomly hear the lyrics to “More” by Rhymefest.

I don’t really know how to express how I feel. It’s just, as much as I’ve been raised to aim to get more, I’m pretty content with what I got. When I see there’s more to what I got, I just sort of think, would it really be that much better? Would I really be happier with say a better brand of clothing or a higher end of electronics?

Probably, maybe, sure?

I guess this entry was kind of rambly. It’s just with the chances I got, I found myself lucky rather than pressed to succeed to the max. I feel like, I try my best and hope for the best. If it’s not good enough in some circles, I move on. Kinda lame but I don’t know, I don’t want to go on living life always wanting more (“No matter how much I get.”).

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{ feeling : sore
{ hearing : harvest moon ds music

Another year, another Lolla. I had a nice weekend except for the fact I kind of suck at keeping energy up, picking shoes that don’t give me terrible blisters, and tolerating thousands more people than I’m used to (I’m convinced I’m slightly agoraphobic). I didn’t get to stay all day yesterday because the pain of the blisters were too much. Basically, I was being miserable at the LollaLounge even when thousands of people weren’t in my face … so there was no point in me staying.

I like watching random episodes of ‘Til Death (with Margaret Cho for some reason?) and reruns of The Simpsons and Family Guy in bed anyways.

Anywhoos, from the acts I saw all weekend, I loved The Go! Team, DJ Bald Eagle, and The Octopus Project. Nice little finds for me (yeah, I am still new music challenged so bear with me) were Holy Fuck, Cadence Weapon, DeVotchKa, Jamie Lidell, Brazilian Girls, Dierks Bentley, and Sharon Jones. Why I am mentioning this? Because I need to remind myself to grab some of their tunes. Y’see, I always forget.

In other news, I had a mini-breakdown at work last week so I’m convinced that’s why my boss gave me the weekend off and didn’t give me hours till Thursday. My blisters are still terrible and yes, I knows I am a pussy for whining about some lame blisters so I may not do much until then, har. Possibly watch The Dark Knight on a non-IMAX screen and maybe Pineapple Express, too? Who knows! For now, the Harvest Moon calls to me this morning. I like farming games … I blame Phillip Ozaki for that.

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{ feeling : amused
{ hearing : air conditioning

I dig when bratty suburban kids get kicked off the train because they were being bratty suburban kids. I’m sorry, “Young Adults” … Technically they are 13 to 17.

No offense but most suburban kids I encounter have no sort of respect towards people around them so I have no respect towards them. I see them every where around downtown nowadays cause hey, it’s summer … Not much to do but be jerks to people downtown, y’know?

School is over, I get to see more of them until it starts up again. So I get annoyed! Maybe I’m just jealous of the tween asking me, “Um, like, do you take Amex?” Nah… I’m mostly annoyed of the fact I’m not allowed to shoot her. I’d probably get fired for such shenanigans.

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{ feeling : accomplished
{ hearing : tom freaking skilling

Guess who saw The Dark Knight last night and had three point five hours of sleep because of it? Go ahead! Don’t worry, I’ll wait.

Anyways, I have about one and a half more weeks of school left and it’s nice just because for once when a semester is winding down, I don’t feel swamped. I pretty much have just about everything done. Maybe tweaks here and there but yes, I’m almost done!

Did you guess yet?

I don’t really know what to do with myself right now. I would play the Wii only I am out of batteries. I would play a PC game only I don’t really have one I want to play. I would do NetFlix only I haven’t gotten that yet. I would do homework, but just like I said, I totally have it pretty much done.

So yes, I watched the movie. I guess this is what critics and Hollywood folk feel like when they see movies weeks and weeks before its actual release. Too bad it was terrible. Awful! Don’t come to the theatre and pay fifteen bills for it.

You know I’m kidding … Or am I? Oh ho, “Why So Serious?” Just to say this, it’s weird that I’ve been everywhere the movie was but never actually around during the time of filming. It’s like, how do I miss a mass of people and cameras at a corner I pass by quite a lot?

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{ feeling : not clean
{ hearing : save big money at menards!

So after a gazillion years, I went to my first Pride Parade this weekend. Yes, it is a shame because as much as it didn’t go that great, I was head of the GSA at Northside for a year even though I mostly was a sideline person and not so much the participant person.

I did go to a GLSEN thing though? Yay?
Me does not equal social butterfly.

I also managed to watch WALL-E this weekend. It made me happy so I liked it a lot. Pixar usually make me pretty content with life. I was told it was predictable but I think I’m probably just easily entertained. It’s the reason I would probably never be completely into the people at Columbia.

Being at an art school, I’m always told to give more. That’s all they want: more. Basically, everything has to analyzed to the fullest. Every little thing done in your work has to have a reason behind it. The statement, “I did it because I liked it,” doesn’t fly … Usually.

Everything is judged and dissected. Um, I don’t do that. I can’t do that. I do things cause I like it or it looks good or just works. There’s no philosophical meaning behind it. I’m one of those people who don’t care if a piece is “cliched”. If it’s well executed, why not like it? I’m not into the symbolism and reasoning behind every component … THING.

In other words, Me and You and Everyone We Know brought me no sort of pleasure whatsoever.

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{ feeling : still sick
{ hearing : girl talk – give me a beat

People hate people. It just sorta happens. People hate me and I can hate me. Whenever I get into lame states, I wander MySpace and get reminded of the people who probably now hate me. I wonder why but then not really.

Probably cause I’m fat or something, har.
They have reasons! Can’t really read people minds.

I try not to haterize… Y’know, except hipsters. They hate everything so why can’t I hate them? I don’t know.

You know what I do know? I’m really digging Girl Talk’s new shit. Granted, all the songs I’ve heard before mixed by The Hood Internet (ABX’s “I’m a Flirt” is much better), still really really really good. You make Avril Lavigne sound good? You’re pretty set.

I Wikipedia a lot and Wikipedia told me Mr. Girl Talk spoke in a documentary about mashups so that’s totally downloading right now.

This entry of nonsense is brought to you by the letter Q.

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{ feeling : sick
{ hearing : girl talk – still here

My past makes me want to cease to exist all the time. Moving on, of all the people I run see at a Hood Internet show, another reason I dwell on my inadequacies and self-loathing.

“… i most definitely don’t have to worry whether or not diona is happy and entertained. sometimes i think that’s all her friends were to her. i hope northside leave her now instead of making the same mistake as me and staying with a total bitch like her. she doesn’t care and now i don’t either.”
- Her, Jan/Feb 2002

Wow, that’s from years ago. Why I have that still is because I am a dork pack rat. Facebook usually has something more updated. Yes, I wander Facebooks’ of people I haven’t seen in years just because. I guess there’s no redemption in such a statement but whatever. Moving onto about 11:30pm tonight?

“There is a girl from my grade school here. It comforts me to know she’s still fat and obnoxious trash”
- Her, June 19, 2008

I’m not really sure how to feel about it. Reassure her that I’m aware of my obese, pathetic state and that my only real tie with a person be my boyfriend? Pity fit? Be sorry? I always am. Be angry about it? Be sad about it? Truths. They hurt.

Thing about my past is that I hate it (as said). I was a spoiled brat early on. I was pretty much a brat in school. Brat turned awkward. Awkward turned brat and eventually to now where I try not to do anything that gets me back to brat. Granted, I mooch off of Joe like a mofo but I try to repay as much as can. I feel unworthy of it as well sometimes … I don’t know. It’s a weird situation.

Thing about my past. Any of it … Is that I try my best to focus on the good that came from it. I guess it’s selfish of me to focus on the “entertained” portion of past relationships.

I can dwell on the negative as much as I want (and I have) but it gets me nowhere. Just angry, stressed, wanting to be on Zoloft for another few months.

The thing about this girl is that I really cared about her even though as a brat, I guess it didn’t show much. What would I rather think of when thinking about this girl: singing along to The Lion King feeling really strange yet cool or being dicks to each other about something or someone that’s different now.

While I am still sick, I enjoyed the show as much as a girl with a coughing fit could. Free hard copies of the Hood v. Chicago, and Joe got a neat screened poster from Steve. The girl. Her name is Kate, if anyone was curious. I considered saying hi and catching up with her. Joe wanted me, too. I guess it was best that I never did. I’m just left with this undecided emotion.

[ give a little love? ]

{ feeling : lazy
{ hearing : happy birthday, lisa via the simpsons

“This is Logan Square.
This is a Blue Line train to O’Hare.”

And look! A bear! I don’t know, I still get amused by the robot announcer thing rhyming. I’ve been showing myself to the Blue Line more often these days. I had been on Brown since Fall since all that massive construction near Jefferson Park. Granted, it’s still going on but not so much so I have to take a shuttle bus to get to downtown.

Brown Line is good still but generally slow … … And full of yuppies.

So I’ve been sick for approximately 1.5 weeks. Mostly a cough but it’s making it so I’m lazy and stuck with all work I have to get done. For example, I suppose I should be working on two genre posters for tomorrow, a book title and layout but I’m not. Ever since I got home at 1:30pm this afternoon, I’ve been playing the Penny Arcade game.

On break now because I’m having trouble with the final boss, har.

But yes, I have about three or four more weeks left and this is no time for dilly-dallying. I hope this cough isn’t serious because man, it sucks.

I wonder if concerts knock sickness out of you. Probably not. I don’t know what my problem is.

[ give a little love? ]

{ feeling : strange
{ hearing : al piemonte ford commercial?

So literally a few minutes, I got a call from Columbia about how Political Philosophy has been canceled due to low enrollment.

So, I instantly get my ass on Oasis and promptly look for a new class to replace it. Sadly, as much as another language class or yoga class seems interesting, I’m taking Figure Drawing. Hooray for summer nudies!

It’s with a professor I had before. Should be interesting. So yes, instead of dealing with Libertarians from 9 to 1pm, it’s nudies and sketchbooks. Sweet.

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{ feeling : relaxed
{ hearing : will & grace reruns

Whee, I have nothing to do. Here’s a picture of a kitty eating a fry.



It’s begging for a lolcat caption but it’s late and I should probably be heading to bed.

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